To those of you who don't know what "Coulomb's Law" is: F is the magnitude of the force of attraction/repel. k (aka 1/4pi*eo) is a constant. q1 and q2 are the signs and magnitude of the charges. And r^2 is the distance between the two charges. The further away the charges are, the lower the magnitude is for the force of attraction/repel is between them. Everyone knows the rule for the attraction of charges. Opposite charges attract. Same charges repel. But when it comes to love, it's almost always the other way around.
I've always known this, but it's just become more apparent to me the long I've searched for sex and romance:
Guys usually like guys who are a lot like themselves. This statement alone should be a given, you don't need to be a genius to know it. This applies in terms of physical attraction and of personality. Nerds will most likely hang out with nerds. Jocks will hang out with jocks. Everyone goes towards their respective clique out of instinct, without thinking about it. And of course, gays who are out will want to hang out with other out gays. And closeted guys would prefer to stick with other closet cases to insure they can stay closeted. There really isn't much mobility for one to move between worlds. Because we try to make a definitive identity for ourselves, we're forced to make choices about who we want to be and to stick with it... for the rest of our lives probably.
It really is hard to find true love. I'm aware that people will at one point, be unfaithful. I think monogamy is overrated because we're all very sexual beings, especially guys. I'll admit, at the very least, I can just settle with having a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. I can't have sex with a guy unless I actually like their personality and can be friends with them outside the bedroom. But I understand why everyone values monogamy so much. Aside from being insured that you're with someone you can trust, know about their sexual health, and to always have someone beside you... If you're in a truly-loving monogamous relationship, then you'll know that "he" is the guy who understands and loves everything about you best.
However, I feel for gay males, the younger you are, the more likely you're just looking for sex than an actual relationship. I've tried for months now looking for a guy who I can really like. I had one, but he's with another guy now. We're still great friends though. At the moment, I have no one. The #1 reason being classes and my busy life. There really is some truth when parents say you shouldn't date until after you graduate college. But that in itself is too much to ask. Surely, there is time that can be made. But because I'm so busy, I really don't have time for another guy in my life. Almost everytime I message a guy or get messages from others, I tell them my schedule, my personality, anything important that I feel they should take into consideration. And of course, being too honest about yourself or coming on too strong early in the game by asking for love... really turns a lot of guys off. And I think the younger you are, the more you stay away from commitment. And the older you get, the more likely you're going to want to settle down for a relationship that's more permanent. It seems to be the trend so far.
I still cry at night sometimes, when I feel lonely and it gets to me. What I hate most about all this is the frustration. I end up wasting time looking for a guy to love that I may never find. I just don't like how I can't think straight or focus on work sometimes when I start feeling lonely. But you know, I'd rather die alone if I don't find the right guy. I won't settle for less, and I can't settle for just having a sex partner. It has to be something more than that or else it's just not gonna be worth it at all. It's only fair that I expect to be rejected as much as I am picky about who I'm looking to be with. And I feel that in any serious relationship (regardless of how many people involved) everyone involved has to "unconditionally love" the other(s), otherwise it isn't an honest love.
I think what I need right now is just to vent about this, or someone to rant about it with who has the same frustrations. It could probably help as an outlet.
And you know, at this point I'm not so scared of people finding out that I like guys. I even posted a pic of myself on OkCupid. Just search for my username on there and you'll find it, for those who've been curious up until now. I've stayed in closet pretty well so far, and I have a good feeling that no one will really go out of their way to see if I'm gay or not. Granted, I still say I'm bi because I'm still curious about dating/being with a woman, but I like guys more. And if it ever turns out that my life becomes hell if someone else outs me... oh to hell with it.
