The Oldest Record I Have

To All My Followers,

Sorry I haven't posted so much. I've needed some time thinking what I want to use this blog for. Always, it was an outlet for me to post my thoughts as a closeted gay man when I couldn't tell them to anyone. But over the years while I was in college, I came out to friends little by little, and I guess in a way, I didn't need this blog as much as I needed.

Fast forward to the present, a lot of crap has happened to me in the past year:

May 2015: I graduate with my Aerospace Engineering degree after 7 years in college after starting back in August 2008.
Sept 2015: Unable to find a full-time engineering job, I get hired for another internship, engineering this time at a local aircraft company I interned once before where my family lives. In the same month, my family forced me to confess I was gay and tried their hardest to shut me off from the world and cut all my connections.
Oct 2015: I finally ran away from home leaving with nothing, after trying for a month and a half to make up with my family, I realized they never wanted to acknowledge how they hurt me or ever wanted me to be happy just for being me.
Jan 2016: I move in with my boyfriend and his dad until I can find a job, was a happy time, and his dad was more of a father to me than my own dad was.
Mar 2016: I finally get a job as a junior engineering through a friend and live with him and his wife, also the same friend who helped me run away from my family and gave me a place to stay for two weeks until I could find my own place.
Jun 2016: I move out of my friend's place with my bf because we both found out how bitchy his wife was and uncannily similar she was to how my mom operated to push people away from her and blame others for everything. Unable to take the abuse anymore, my bf and I finally moved out to an apartment of our own and finally living our gay life as a couple.
Jul 2016 (Now): Things have been a lot more happier and chill for me. I don't get angry as much as I used to over frustration of the things I had no control in my life that was beating me down like family or roommates I had no choice but to put up with until I found my own place.

All in all, looking back, I've gone through so much. I'm 26 now, but sadly, most of that history is gone. When I was still with my family after they outed me from the closet, they forced me to use my friend who I stayed with later to breakup with my bf for me. And they wanted me to cut ties with all my friends and start my life anew "their way". One night, they sat me down and they all watched me as I deleted every social media account I had. The only ones I didn't delete were the gay ones I had that they never knew about, and my LoL, Steam, some Yahoo emails, MySpace, and a few other accounts that I've forgotten about. The biggest losses I had though were my Facebook and YouTube/Google accounts. I had so much history logged on my Facebook all the way back from high school, so many long posts about my life like I do here sometimes, all gone because my family wanted me to cut my ties. I stupidly put up with them for a month and a half because I honestly did feel guilty as a son for deceiving them, for talking shit about my mom on Facebook because she was driving me nuts with her erratic behavior, and I felt the need to repair things with them. But after a month and a half, I realized that was never gonna happen. All throughout that time, they emotionally abused me and made me feel and think such dangerous thoughts: that I was worthless with my degree because I took so long, that all my friends and my boyfriend were manipulating me, anything they could say to make me feel like a horrible person, and they were all accusations made on speculation that weren't true. In the end, it felt like I was the only one apologizing while my family did nothing to try and understand who I was or try to realize how they were hurting me.

And so one day, I left.

I guess for the future, I can try posting on here whenever I have something nagging at me. I've been open lately on Facebook but don't really get much response usually, my posts are too long and too personal that I don't think people want to hear more drama. But I have you guys. And I guess I'll try posting more bara pics while I'm at it, just hope I don't get flagged for copyright infringement.

Anyways, looking forward to posting a bit more on here. It seems like the best way, especially since this blog is unsearchable. I dare not open that option in fear of my family or anyone finding this. Even my journal, I must keep private, because I know how the world hates it when people go public with their true feelings, they do a 180 on you.