"A Friend In Need..."

I have friends, many friends. However, I don't have any whom are gay or bi males. I will admit that I am curious about having sex with another guy. At the same time I wonder what it's like with women, but I prefer males. It's just that I don't want to be another person to fuck up someone else's feeling. I don't want to live with that guilt. At all costs, I want to lose my virginity to the one I love. I don't know who I will fall in love with, or what gender that person will be, but I just want to fall in love who mutually loves me the same way.

This world, I feel I will never understand. Why must people meddle into others' love affairs, I will never know why. I don't understand why gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender relationships are so taboo either. Seriously, how does a GLBT relationship negatively affect other people? I wish homophobes would just get the fuck over themselves and just quit being so damn insecure about their own sexuality. Only the individual gets to decide who they are, but it takes a strong will to stand firm against the rest of the world. I wonder what it is people are afraid of? Dying alone? Going into poverty due to being outcasted by society? Being discriminated against? At what point do our desires become more important than the consequences that come with it? And it would be dumb to say that everyone made the world this way. Yes, we did; but it's all our doing. We can make things better whenever we want, it's just that people are just too damn pessimistic and lazy about working towards idealistic goals. And here I am stereotyping and generalizing the entire fucking world. Well I don't give a shit.

Anyways, what I really need is a friend who understands my feelings; someone I can confide to and relate to. I want a male friend who's either gay or bi. I want to hear their advice on coming out, relationships, sexual life, etc. It's very hard to get in touch with gay/bi males online. It's always anonymous, some are just looking strictly for sex, some are too discreet and limit what they talk about, but really I just have this feeling of awkwardness and I think, "No one gives a shit." Probably could be true, probably might not. I just wish I knew such a friend in person. I feel I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do now. I would have someone I can talk and relate to. Oh how I wish...