I have friends, many friends. However, I don't have any whom are gay or bi males. I will admit that I am curious about having sex with another guy. At the same time I wonder what it's like with women, but I prefer males. It's just that I don't want to be another person to fuck up someone else's feeling. I don't want to live with that guilt. At all costs, I want to lose my virginity to the one I love. I don't know who I will fall in love with, or what gender that person will be, but I just want to fall in love who mutually loves me the same way.
This world, I feel I will never understand. Why must people meddle into others' love affairs, I will never know why. I don't understand why gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender relationships are so taboo either. Seriously, how does a GLBT relationship negatively affect other people? I wish homophobes would just get the fuck over themselves and just quit being so damn insecure about their own sexuality. Only the individual gets to decide who they are, but it takes a strong will to stand firm against the rest of the world. I wonder what it is people are afraid of? Dying alone? Going into poverty due to being outcasted by society? Being discriminated against? At what point do our desires become more important than the consequences that come with it? And it would be dumb to say that everyone made the world this way. Yes, we did; but it's all our doing. We can make things better whenever we want, it's just that people are just too damn pessimistic and lazy about working towards idealistic goals. And here I am stereotyping and generalizing the entire fucking world. Well I don't give a shit.
Anyways, what I really need is a friend who understands my feelings; someone I can confide to and relate to. I want a male friend who's either gay or bi. I want to hear their advice on coming out, relationships, sexual life, etc. It's very hard to get in touch with gay/bi males online. It's always anonymous, some are just looking strictly for sex, some are too discreet and limit what they talk about, but really I just have this feeling of awkwardness and I think, "No one gives a shit." Probably could be true, probably might not. I just wish I knew such a friend in person. I feel I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do now. I would have someone I can talk and relate to. Oh how I wish...
3 months ago
I know wath you mean. I used to feel this alone (whell...i am still alone) with no friends who knows i like guys or not knowing any gay male friend.
ReplyDeleteOnce you tell to one of your friends (male of female) and they respect your choice, your going to feel less lonely and your going to see more bi/gay guys around than before, its just a matter of be aware
Online is mostly to get sex sadly, i also find myself really lost in the internet if i am not searching for sex, and belive me, sex is really easy to find. The hardest thing is like you say, wait for someone really special. Then again, i am glad your doing it. Honestly be patient, dont feel frustrated, your going to meet a guy who cares you in one way or another, just have the eyes open and let other guys know you like males (or let girls see you) and eventually thats going to happend.
I am glad your in Y, its a very friendly gay/bi community but the bad part is how people is scatered around the world xD
Oh yeha, and honestly my biggest fear is to liv all my life alone, yhea xD that why mosy people hurt, because theyd esesperatly need someone on their side or they just dont communicate wath they really want (or they dont even know)
ReplyDeleteIts amazing, but a beautifull relationship/love can turn into something horrible or painfull if theres no comunication o_o
True. And I can't believe how easily sex can be found on the internet. It's even more intimidating when some random guy finds my AIM on the AIM/YIM thread on the bara board and then he straight out asks if I wanna watch his naked webcam show, I told him I wasn't interested... but that only happened once though, but it was still intimidating.
ReplyDeleteAs horny as I am, sex is what I want, but I know that if I were to do it, I'd feel guilty about it afterwards because I know I'd only be in a relationship strictly for sex, and that just wouldn't feel right for me. As much as possible, I don't want to live with that kind of guilt.