Personally, I don't have any physical enemies. I'm usually reserved and I'm not one to instigate. However, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never had an enemy: someone to argue against, fight against, someone who be the target of my anger and hatred, which would motivate me to better myself in order to outdo the other. And yet I wonder if there's a possibility of sharing mutual feelings with an enemy. I think if I did have an enemy, and I constantly bickered with him, I would probably get used to it and accept it as part of my daily life. But what if one day he just disappeared, and I never saw him again? It would probably be a bittersweet moment. At first, I'd feel relieved, thinking that I wouldn't have to put up with his shit anymore. But inside, I'd have this empty feeling, as if I lost something. Usually, I have a tendency to judge myself harshly. When I say something mean to someone, I will feel good about it at first, but at some point I'll feel guilty. I'll even have an urge to want to apologize for whatever wrongs I may have committed. But what usually happens is that I just let the guilt stay inside me because I feel I'm not worthy enough for that person to accept my apology. Hell, I'm probably overly-sentimental when it comes to those types of situations. What most people see as insignificant, I turn it into a bigger issue than it has to be.
There are a few fantasies that I play out in my head sometimes:
-A meek (probably nerdy) student constantly getting picked on by the school bully, but eventually they become friends
-Two soldiers of opposing, warring countries all alone on the battlefield, just the two of them. Eventually one overtakes the other and keeps the loser as prisoner. They'll exchange in conversation during their time together, but still show the same antagonisms they displayed towards each other when the first battled, yet consciously they note each other's similarities and differences and keep in mind that they're really not that different at all. Soon, the winner goes back to his home country and takes his prisoner with him. When he presents the prisoner to his government, it's decided he's to be executed. He lets his prisoner get taken away without opposition and they part their ways. BUT THEN! He grabs his prisoner friend and motions the lead for them to run away together... as a sort of "Ico x Yorda" pair. And they may escape successfully or die together, etc. I don't want to make an ending for this fantasy.
-A guy goes to prison for the first time and meets his new inmate. His inmate is everything you'd expect out of the typical prisoner: packed with muscle, aggressive, but overall keeps his feelings, personality, and past history a mystery. He may make the new guy his sex slave, depends. But say this new guy was like me and he truly wanted to knew his cellmate better. He would be open to his detached inmate, while his inmate constantly bashes him for acting womanly or too kind. But eventually, the new guy breaks through to him, and they start to share each other's life story. And of course, they become intimate lovers and make love every night in their happy cell.
-A guy one day encounters a winged, dragon-like, humanish type of demon. At first sight, the guy is scared, but at the same time in awe of the demon's appearance. The demon has a hunger to kill, so he tries to kill the guy. The guy braces himself for death and looks at the demon with pleading, but accepting eyes, and then closes them at the last second. Yet for some reason, the demon hesitates in trying to kill the guy. "What makes this guy different from all the others he asks himself?" So the demon runs away. And then the demon tries again and again to try to kill this guy, but he can't. So they guy approaches the demon one day and tries to communicate with him. And of course I want it to be another typical friends to lovers type of relationship. I bet y'all have me figured out now, doncha? lol.
I don't know why, but I have a burning desire to want to fall in love with a tough guy. Tough guys, I feel, secretly desire to find someone they trust. I'd like to assume that everyone wants a chance to just be human. I find villians and anti-heroes to be appealing to me. I want to bring out the sincere feelings they lock inside their hearts, and I want to make that particular tough guy's heart stronger. But I feel that fantasy is rather selfish on my part. Would I really be in love with such a person? Or am I only in love with the thought of the possibility of what that person could be?
2 months ago
It sounds like you really want to fall in love with someone :3
ReplyDeleteI would say don't judge yourself too much, because hey~ we're all human right?
Personally, I'm the type that wouldn't like too much of a difference between me and my lover though, in my mind someone I'd love would share the same interests as me, not someone who is extremely different from me.
That aside though, it is true to an extent that strong guys usually have a shy side, many of my lower class men are just like that, looks tough but really really insecure.
Oops, I think I said too much ah hahaha I mean, I'm the type that listens to their insecurities, and really what you described is probably true.
Yeah, I do want to fall in love...
ReplyDeleteAnd if I didn't judge myself, I'd have an inflated ego that'll probably turn people away from me. But still, I have some pride in myself. Actually, in my own mind I think I'm the coolest guy in the world, but I never tell a lot of people I think that. And obviously, I do want someone who shares the same interests as me, it's just that I like my men to be big. XD
Oh but i really think your a cool guy, i bet your cooler in real life xD
ReplyDeleteWell, i honestly dont have any enemy either (or thats wath i think...theres someone i have a gurdge against but i dunno if that count as "enemy" xD)but i think wath your saying is more a rivalry. This kind of relation ship with someone really helps us to grow up as person and to be better, like in Tekken says "your rival is the most important person in a fight, since he gives you the chance to defeat him"
I also like tough guy's better, since i am kinda weak in some spots, i feel more safe with someone with a strong will and reach the hart of someone like that cna be the best prize!!! Shared interests are nice, but belive me, they are less important that we expect, same goes for love...love is....ughhh....just.....the more you hype it, the more troublesome it gets <_<
I'd wish all my enemies were rivals, but hell I'll just make it seem like that to me by being nice to them. lol. I'd also like to believe opposites attract and vice-versa. Love is complicated and can come in many forms. I just hope I can notice it when it's in front of me.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you met me in real life, I guess you can think I'm cool? You forget, these feelings of mine, I never really tell anyone, except here, on this blog. If you saw me in person, you'd think I'm a quiet guy. If you got to know me better in person, you'd realize I'm easily excited/angered/hyper sometimes and I have a perverted mind sometimes. I also have a dirty mouth. You'd also realize that I like to play the good guy a lot, only to be put down by my friends sometimes who argue that it's impossible to be ambassador for the entire world. But that's about as close that anyone knows me I think. Although as time passes, I open up a little bit more to the people around me.
Well yhea, all this ideas of yours are only on this place (its neat how we can comunicate or express with interwebs strangers) but even if you have ups and downs you know your flaws and your still a ver nice guys, i think thats can make you cool xD
ReplyDeleteMmmmm.....dont worry, once you find love your going to notice, belive me o_o
That's the problem with anyone. Whenever we do want to be honest, other people would get mad at us for being honest or for being too sensitive that we're just overthinking a simple issue that isn't simple to us. And we're afraid of other people's reactions, so we decide to disclose our darkest thoughts anonymously, online. But thanks, I'm very flattered you feel that I'm a very cool and nice guy.
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